Tom n' Adam's Fedorable Adventure in the Skies (feat Shrek)
by knightoons
Summary: Tom and Adam have a jaunty old time 3000 feet in the air on a flight to the delightful swamp. When something goes in malfunction, they must fight their way through monsters and solve puzzles to deliver the pizza on time.


It was a beautiful day in the land of Terabithia. Tom was getting to work in the trenches, hoisting up sand bags to protect his fellow warhammer figurines. He was just about to add the finishing touches to his rare mint condition shrek figurine when all of a sudden, Mr. Snow peered over him.

"Tom!" he _ejaculated_, "we need you to fly planes to shrek's swamp today!"

"For real, Phineas?" (Phineas was Mr. Snow's first name).

"Don't call me that you little fucktard," replied Mr. Snow in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Alright, time to get to work!"

And with the snap of a leg, Tom bolted off into the plane! … Little did he know, Louise Fryar was also on plane patrol that day! Louise was quite the oddball, because she didn't actually fly a plane. Instead, she used her state-of-the-art flying dragon fursuit! She was the meanest flyer of the whole squadron. By some, she was known as 'Louise flyar', by others, she was known as 'the furious furry'. But all in all, she was regarded rather spiffingly.

Anyway, back to tom.. he was going to the plane or some shit i dont know who cares he doesnt have a sick ass fursuit like louise does.

This was Tom's first time on the gears. He had never ridden a plane before even though he was a level 18 cadet master. Even Jessica Smith knew more about riding planes than Tom but he shrugged it off. He looked at the meaty plane in front of him and let out an anxious sigh.

"Ha, that was my first reaction to seeing the big beauty too" said a mysterious _sexual_ turned around in confusion when his eyes graced the most magnificent piece of art he had ever witnessed.

"The name's Adam. Adam Brown," he tipped his fedora.

"You're flying my plane to Shrek's Swamp, ammiright?" Tom stood there and gulped. He was always such a confident speaker and never had any trouble fighting his nerves but when he was presented with a glorious face of beauty like Adams, he could barely speak. He managed to let out a quick approving response as his face went completely red and his eyes widen.

"You want me to teach you how to ride it? I bought this beast about 5 years ago and i have a serious bond with this plane. I wouldn't want it getting damaged" he chuckled. His hilarious jokes managed to calm Toms nerves slightly.

"How come I've never seen you around here?" Tom questioned.

"Oh, I normally go flying in the North of France training the new fables in Lord Farquaad's Kingdom how to fly". This made Tom **extremely** moist. Tom was a huge Shrek fan and even the trip to Shreks Swamp was a dream for Tom. He didn't want Adam to find out just incase he thought he had a crush on Shrek (which he did).

"Come on, I'll help you get there" Adam smiled. They both walked over to the plane. Adam helped Tom get into the plane and while doing so, his gracious hands touched his tender buttocks. This excited Tom.

"Now, now. We will save that for later" Adam winked. They started up the engine and both prepared for the journey ahead.

"Are you ready to fly, Tom? I believe in you. You can fly the plane with me by your side". Tom had no doubts. This is all he ever wanted.

"I'm ready". He hit the gears and soon enough they were off. They flew 10m high in the sky. Soaring, flying, there wasn't a star in heaven that they couldn't reach. This was a dream come true for Tom when suddenly a screech came out of no where.

"What in the lords name!" Shouted Tom. James Ward bursted out from the back of the plane into the pilots section.

"What's going on?" James cried. He looked like he was about to cry.

"For god sake, James! I told you, were over and you were to leave this plane 2 days ago!"

James slammed the pilots room door leaving tom in a state of sadness.

"What happened between you two?..." Tom asked reluctantly.

"It was nothing. It's all ogre now" replied Adam hoping that this information would make Tom happier about the trip ahead. Adams smile turned to a serious frown as he looked at the fuel bar. Tom stared at him, wondering what was going on.

"Is everything okay, Adam?"

"...I don't know." Tom looked straight into Adams eyes for an answer but Adam looked panicked.

"Well don't just sit there Tom! Do something!" Adam commanded. They both started to furiously hit the controls rapidly in hope of a solution.

"Shite! There's a giant toenail headed inbound for my mouth!" exclaimed Wardy, who was sat in the toilet of the plane. Suddenly, the place shuddered and shattered. Adam's fedora was swept off his head in a marvellous magnitude.

"We're losing control of the engines!" fumbled Adam ecstatically.

Little did he know, Tom was losing control of his heart. As the plane nosedived to a mysterious land below, the passengers of flight mh370 shook about in the plane like a giant blender filled with pilot kiwis. All of a sudden, the giant toenail crashed through the windsheild, causing Adam, Tom and Wardy to go flying out of the window. Luckily, Adam was wearing his emergancy parachute strapon.

"Kinky." thought Tom.

Adam released the parachute and reached out to grab Tom, who was falling to his death. But Tom was just out of reach. He plummeted into the abyss below. Adam thought it was all ogre. But then he remembered. His backup fedora! He reached around into the gap between his shoulder blades and took out the most beautiful diamond-encrusted fedora.

"This ought to do the trick!"

The Indianna Jones theme tune started playing in the background. Like a euphoric frisbee, Adam swept the fedora so that it spun through the air to catch Tom. It was a magic fedora by the way. Tom was like "oh shit you saved me" and some shit. Also Wardy died. What a lad.

Just as they reached the land and they thought they were safe, more trouble arrived. Two furry feet could be seen on the wet marshland in front of them.

"Hello, boys." Said the furry fiend in a thick, naisally voice.

"Louise, you dastardly dragon-dog!" said Adam under his breath, pushing his glasses up his nose like an intellegent anime character.

"I thought we'd seen the last of you," he followed.

Louise brought up her paws and made a fist shape. "This is for Andrew, who you killed"

It's a long story.

*23 episodes of Andrew-murder backstory*

"You bastard!" Screamed Louise. She launched forward in her high-tech fursuit like some ironman wannabe. "you'll pay for what you did to my fit boyfriend!"

"What are you on about he's not even that fit" Said Tom

"actually you're right tbh. sorry." Louise said. She walked off.

"Well Tom, we did it! It's time to go get our reward." Said Adam peacefully. The two walked off into the swampy sunset, exhausted from their day full of adventure. Finally, they arrived at the infamous swamp of Shrek the ogrelord.

After explaining their adventure to Shrek, Adam looked into his eyes. He realised that after all this time, it wasn't Tom who was his true love. It was Shrek. Shrek got down on one knee and said

"Adam 'fedorable' Brown. Will you do the honor of being my all star?"

Shrek slipped the ring onto Adam's sausage-like finger. "Yes."

Adam couldn't resist Shrek's bright rosy cheeks and his delicate smile, he was a wizard. Unfortunately he didn't know enough magic to win his love. Later that day Tom kissed Shrek on the lips and accepted the engagement ring. Shrek quickly handed it over in delight.  
"WAIT!" yelled Jessica Smith as she stormed in, furiously widening the door, ruining the moment (as usual..).  
"You can't marry him!" she blushes,  
"Jess, you can't do this to me! He's so shrektastic!"  
His wide smile lowered into a droopy frown. Shrek threw his arms around Adam and ran off with him on his shoulders. They ran to Wardy's small hut in the swamp. The palace nearby was too risky. But what really rustled his jimmies was that Jessica was following behind.  
"But.. Adam.. adam is mine."  
"Adam isn't yours, Matthew is."  
"That was so long ago! I don't like him anymore!" squealed Jessica in disbelief.

A long pause filled the atmosphere, a giant fedora flew across the sky.  
"wOW! Is that Sir Fedora?" yelled Shrek in his sweet, mellow voice, his very few hairs whistling through the wind.  
"Yes. Yes it is." whispered Tom Bartlett, "Shh! Be quiet, he might spot us.."

To be continued...


End file.
